This was an armless, legless, lifeless, naked torso of a woman with cold steel eyes and green lips. The boys opened up fire on her, and blew her head clean off. The carcass was almost unrecognizeable. Pretty morbid.

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So of course one of the first things I did was whip out the camo and throw together a couple of invitation type things. Grad 2012 (and grad 2013 for you slower folks that need an extra year) where you can upload your own graduation photo. That could be you n’ your honey in matching black (camo) tie, or just you in your duct tape suit or camo patterned prom dress!

Camo Pattern Graduate of 2012 Class Photo by RedneckHillbillies
See other Camo Invitations

Camo Pattern Graduate of 2013 Class Photo by RedneckHillbillies
Design an invite online with zazzle

Then I figured why not make a special rednecky hunter style Save the Date – you can still have the formal hoity toity invite for the weddin’ but this lets your guests know they gotta mark that date on the calendar and keep it clear so they can see y’all gettin’ hitched.

Camo Pattern Save The Date Announcement Card by RedneckHillbillies
Browse Camo Invitations

Stay tuned for more!

There’s no way in hell I’m spending $800 on a dress that will be worn for six hours, so we’re doing it the cheapskate way and skimming the Craigslist and Kijiji ads for one. Dress number one on day one was a bust, a gorgeous coral colored number that was about two sizes too small. Although when kidlet tried it on and it fit her perfectly, I ended up buying it for HER grad. Here’s hoping she still loves it just as much in two years or it will be an expensive Trash the Dress prop.

I figured it would be fun to scour the net for some rednecky prom dresses and ballgowns. Not for inspiration necessarily, but as comic relief from the stress of shopping for someone like me who detests all forms of it.

I figured I’d left things hanging far too long and that it was time to fill you in on the happenings on the Redneck Hillbillies funny farm. Because I know you’re all just clamoring to hear all about it. Right? Right? Just agree and I won’t sic my fat dog on you.

First off, I uploaded a few videos of Bubba, his bro and I shootin’ up a storm in the backwoods.

Then we let the calves out of their pen, resulting in what my amazing sister says was the best video ever because she laughed hysterically. Mostly at me running back and forth like a lunatic trying to keep Jed and Jr. inside the area blocked off with electric fencing.

in related news, I am horribly out of shape. ;p

Plus I whipped up a couple designs that are more rednecky-ish than the gone squatchin stuff I’ve been focused on for the last few weeks. These designs both got TBA (Today’s Best Awards) The first one on a postcard of all things, which I think works better as an invitation or a T-shirt, and the other on a Men’s Tee even though I think the design works better for a “truck slut” tire biter type southern redneck girl.

That’s a nice pile of junk you got there, my boy! is a GREAT one for when Bubba brings home another project. (read: a box or pile of miscellaneous crap.) It doesn’t GO though, does it? also fits for those occasions.

A month of Sundays in the movie refers to the amount of time required for Dick Van Dyke’s character to get his stinky motorcar running again. Today though it would be my ideal month.

I LOVE Sundays. It’s the only day Bubba is guaranteed to be home and it’s the only day we can maybe do something cool. Yesterday we went shootin’, and took the Zuke up a steep mountainside to Bigfoot’s territory until we had to turn around thanks to fallen trees. I got some great photos and video clips of him aiming and firing away that I’ll throw on some merch and compile into a video over the next few days.

Along with the over used Keep Honking I’m reloading, I whipped up a couple more:

I did see quite a few photos of redneck brides and redneck grooms, along with tacky beer can arches and funny wedding cakes. What I couldn’t find was the invitations, and I wonder if they went full meal deal on the redneckiness by using some. I think Tom Arnold the host should send all of those folks over to my Redneck Hillbillies store on Zazzle to order special rednecky wedding invitations.

Here are a few that might work:

You can customize them to suit any occasion, just click on any picture up there and see how easy it is to enter your own names and event details. They’ll print real good, you can order as few as ten or as many as you want, and they even come with envelopes. What could be easier than that? Hell yeah!

Well what were you expecting to find here? Sorry, there are NO FART JOKES on this blog, and there never will be. Ever.

This post is obviously my rant about the insane prices at the gas pump lately. I’ll be driving the poor man’s rhino, our road worthy little Suzuki Samurai, to work for the next month or so to save on gas. With it’s tiny little 1.3 liter engine I can buzz to town two or three times for each trip I can do with the 3.5 liter chevy truck. Since most of the time I’m alone or with just one passenger and not hauling anything, it just makes sense.

Here’s our latest video so you can see “Ronin”, as named by the previous owner. We just call him ZUKE. It’s primitive and barebones, with only basic functions and manual everything, and it doesn’t even have a radio in it yet, but it’s cute.

Here are a few more funny things I found to express the horror of high fuel prices. Are you having gas pains too?

Perhaps I erred by making references to Bigfoot being the original shuffler. Perhaps I used the word shuffle or shuffling in the description area or tags. One T-shirt remains that was a straggler that wasn’t in the same category folder, that probably did not contain the offending words.

So I’m going to rework it and remake it today, reverse the image and closely watch the words I use to describe it… and if it slips under the radar and sticks I expect to sell the pants off it. Because each and every one of y’all that are reading this blog are going to RUSH right over there to get your awesome sasquatch merchandise, ain’t ya? ;p

I’ll post it here when it’s done.

UPDATE: As promised. Ta Da!

Whoops!

Well… it still sucks. I mean, really.

It’s a basic font, unformatted text design and on top of that, it’s on a retro redneck style trucker hat that just screams SUCK! (I’m just playin wit’ ya Darthballs… trying to fit the word “suck” in this post as much as possible.)

Here it is: Major Suckage!

**OFFICIAL** Bobo’s GONE SQUATCHIN Trucker Hat by Darthballs
View more Gone Hats

BUT, it’s insanely popular and flying off the shelves in record numbers because it’s exactly like the super sucky hat worn by Bobo, the bigfoot hunter on T.V. He likes sucky hats, so everyone is rushing out to get their own sucky hats. It’s a bonafide SUCKFEST out there, folks. Sucktastic.

^^ Here are a few more with descriptive titles labelling them as OFFICIAL and ORIGINAL and BEST VERSION and AUTHENTIC. I’ll refrain from actually saying that they suck. But y’all know what I’m thinkin. Feel free to buy one or all three of them too, and keep them in the best sellers list a little longer to drive me batshit crazy.

Or you could buy one of MINE instead, because I’d be super happy to see either of them suck their way to the top ten too

Trucker hats and T-shirts seem to be the top picks, and I’m hoping smaller items like coffee mugs and buttons, and stickers fill in the gaps for the lighter in the wallet sasquatch hunters.