Gone Squatchin

Posted: February 23, 2012 by admin in Buy My CRAP

The Number one, best selling product right at this very moment on my beloved ZAZZLE is a retro trucker hat with a bold font text only design that simply says GONE SQUATCHIN. In my not so humble opinion… It sucks. Actually, it sucks badly… so I won’t post a link/photo of it but if you want to see it, you can click HERE.

For some unexplainable reason, Bigfoot, or Sasquatch,(Squatch for short) and the act of “Squatchin” has surged in popularity recently, probably due to some dodo named Bobo. So I figured it was time to pull out some of my earlier sasquatchy products, and try to capitalize on Squatchie’s pop star status.

Warning Sign - Sasquatch in Area shirtFunny Smiling Sasquatch Face casematecaseI Believe in Bigfoot keychainSquatch Watch - Sasquatch BigFoot Hunter button

These are the sasquatch, squatch, bigfoot, yeti whatever the hell you wanna call it products you REALLY want. Natch.

Juanita the Weasel (for the Bloggess)

Posted: February 18, 2012 by admin in Time Wasters

First of all, if you don’t know who Juanita is yet, you’ll have to hop on over to The Bloggess ‘s blog. Just as long as you come back. You can lose hours or possibly even days over there.

Long story short, Jenny Lawson aka “The Bloggess” runs a mega popular blog, is a bestselling author, and has an amazing sense of humor that is sometimes offensive and usually peppered with foul language but is nevertheless highly entertaining. Juanita is her latest addition to her twisted collection of dead things and she has invited others to have their way with her.

So I did a few.

Juanita abducted by aliensJuanita the weasel hallelujah photo

Juanita the Weasel - Dammit!Juanita is NOT the honey badger

Not a single one of these amazing works of juanita art made it to her pinterest page, though. Boo!

Meet Jed and Junior.

Posted: February 16, 2012 by admin in A Day in the Life of a REDNECK

Our New Cowbabies!

 

     It was a toss up between Jed & Junior, or Garth and Buddy.  You can guess which ones were my choice, and which were Bubba’s.

       I mean seriously, who could actually EAT an animal named Buddy?

 

                                            I win.

 

I asked for a few good hillbilly names on the Redneck Hillbillies Facebook Fanpage and got some great suggestions. I almost need more calves next year or to get something smaller like chickens to use the names up. Bo and Luke, Roscoe and Cooter, Bubba (which the real Bubba did not approve of), Hank, Willie.

Sorry, I don’t want to eat Willie three or four times a week next year.

What’s for dinner?
Willie!
(Sigh.) Again!?

Nope. It’s Jed and Junior. Cutest little veal calves y’all ever did see.

I <3 the Honey Badger.

Posted: February 13, 2012 by admin in Buy My CRAP

The honey badger has been good to me. :D I hope he lives on for a long, long, long time.

I had this mug hit the best sellers list and reach a high of #18 overall during the days before Christmas, thanks to Zazzle featuring it in the funny mugs section. Proving that if you get the attention of someone behind the scenes at Zazzle and they place your product prominently in the Marketplace it will sell. And sell it did. Oh how I want to have a product or ten on that list again.

I think it would have done better on the cheapest mug, being a few bucks cheaper and therefore more attractive. I also think a mug with the image on both sides would have done well. Too late for that now though, it was dumped onto page 3 or lower during the height of sales, which is the kiss of death.

(Pssst…. Zazzle…. I have many other awesome honey badger designs on multiple products that could use a little love!)

Funny Infant Honey Badger Don't Care T-shirt shirtLadies Honey Badger Hoodie in Pretty Pink shirtDON'T CARE Honey Badger libertybottleFunny Talking Honey Badger casematecaseHoney Badger Don't Give a Shit rickshawsleeveHoney Badger - I Takes What I Wants corkcoasterNothing Can STOP th Honey Badger keychainI ATE the Honey Badger shirtHoney Badger Don't Give a Shit - Mojo Pillow throwpillow

Wants vs. Needs

Posted: February 11, 2012 by admin in Buy My CRAP, Rants and Ramblings

Sometimes I am frustrated knowing that unless I happen to magically pick six magical numbers my life will always be what it is. Then there are times when I look at my life with fresh, open eyes and feel blessed beyond measure.

I have a pretty good life. Amazing, actually. The problem is that Bubba has to work HARD to provide it, and it would be nice to have him home with us more often to enjoy it.

Last year we spent as much on gasoline as we used to earn as a family income in an entire year. I don’t know if that’s disgusting or inspiring. Probably both. We have plenty of homegrown food, a warm house where the electricity is always on and a toasty gas fireplace. We are fortunate to have two beautiful children, and a couple old and faithful dogs. We even have a couple toys to play with, and a firepit outside where we can spend an hour or two together on the odd Sunday afternoon when we’re all in the same place at the same time.

Life is good. Even when it isn’t. And every day on the green side is a good one.

So TODAY I am thankful for all that I have. I may not have everything I desire, I may not have everything the Jones family has. But I do have everything I need….and I appreciate and want what I do have.

I made these as a reminder of that.

Reminder to be Thankful! Wants vs Needs keychainWants vs. Needs - Haves vs. Have Nots mugInspirational Reminder Message for Happiness Tee shirt

(Click on any of them to read the message clearly)

Redneckism

Posted: February 2, 2012 by admin in Uncategorized

I’ve been frustrated lately with recent changes to Zazzle’s rating policy deciding the term “REDNECK” should be considered pg-13. It requires customers to possibly change their settings to allow potentially offensive material to be shown to them, otherwise thousands of products remain invisible.

Whassup with that, y’all?

Redneckism NOT Racism bumpersticker

I do realize there is a history of the Confederate flag being used by white supremacy groups, or to show a sign of support for black slavery, it was used as a battle flag for revolt and rebellion against government, and a whole host of additional negative things.

BUT… and this is a big BUT…

That AIN’T what it represents for many of the people who fly the flag or call themselves “rednecks” today.

I sell rednecky, confederate flag merchandise to not only the traditionally redneck states of the US, but Canada, Australia and the UK too. These aren’t revolters. Or white power people, or slave owners.

Grunge Redneck Flag Personalized With Initials casematecaseGrunge Redneck Love Heart shirtRated R for Redneck magnet

They are “redneck” in every sense of the CURRENT definition of Redneck.

And what’s that, you ask?

Well it’s the simple minded, slightly less refined, beer swilling, whiskey shooting, tractor or 4×4 driving, hard working, god fearing, skirt or carhart chasing, country music loving hick. It’s the guy or gal that wears camo, knows how to pitch a tent, bait a hook, shoot a gun, dress a deer and ain’t afraid to get dirty. They wrench, (aka work on cars/trucks for the non redneck folks out there), and they usually don’t give a rip about what the Joneses are doing or buying, because they know who and what is important to them.

Bubba Evolved shirt

That’s what the word means to me, anyhow. Gimme a holler if you feel the same way.

Stop the Ride.

Posted: January 31, 2012 by admin in Rants and Ramblings

Seriously. I want to get off.

I have a serious HATE on for the month of January. Not only is this the month that all the holiday bills come in, but it’s the month I have to do our year end paperwork. There is not a single thing on this planet that I dislike doing more than taxes. Add them to my usual list of errands and favors and responsibilities and I seriously want to unplug and run away. Seriously. Thankfully I’m not the one in the household responsible for paying the taxes when due or my stress level would be through the roof. Yes, I said serious a few times already. Tax is serious business, y’all.

So I thought it would be fun to include some funny products that sum up how I feel this morning. There ain’t any canadian taxpayer products to choose from… maybe I’ll whip something up later. Or not. You know, because I’ll be too busy doing taxes.

These aren’t mine, but if you buy any of them I’ll earn a few pennies, and that will help pay for the beer that helps me deal with the heaping pile of steaming paperwork. So it’s all good.

Keep Quiet and Pay Taxes Print printCoffee keeps me busy until it's time to be drunk mugBorn Free Taxed To Death shirt

HOLY SHEEP SHIT!

Posted: January 28, 2012 by admin in Rants and Ramblings

Honestly, that was my response. And I don’t even HAVE sheep, so that’s sayin’ something, but “Holy Dog Shit” didn’t have the same ring to it.

LOOK-ee Loook-ee.

Charlie *freakin* Sheen tweeted at me. And it was an actual typed out response too, not just a RT. Of course, it was more than likely a BOT, but hey don’t crush my little moment of happiness.


For the record, I don’t think I have ever used the word “DUDE”. Let’s just set that straight right now.

Oh, I do love Charlie. From waaaay back when he was a super hot badass kissing Ferris’ sister, or that lame movie with a young and dorky Corey Haim…. Lucas?

Charlie was super tasty chick flick material. mmmhmmm.
(in case anyone is wondering, I’m a chick, y’all.)

I don’t know or care much about whatever has happened between then and now, avoiding the sitcoms/reality tv/rag mags etc – and other brain rotting drivel that 90% of the population is gobbling up. So I have never watched an episode of Two and a Half Men… but I bet Charlie was a hundred times better in the part than the Kutcher fella is.

Plus the catchy phrases he blurts out are pure Sheenius.

Charlie Sheen - Winning, Duh shirtTIGER BLOOD SHIRT shirtSober Valley Lodge shirtTHIS GUYS IS BI-WINNING SHIRT shirtDuh, Winning! Charlie Sheen Shirt shirt

Do NOT Knock on My Door

Posted: January 26, 2012 by admin in Buy My CRAP, Rants and Ramblings

I was interrupted early this morning by a pair of persistent religious representatives, who have visited on two earlier occasions and felt it necessary to hand me another pamphlet. Or at least they would have given me some reading materials if I had actually answered the door. Still in my housecoat with some nasty morning coffee breath, I spared them and myself that embarrassment and pretended I wasn’t home. ;p

But it got me thinking. I need a NO SOLICITING sign for my front door.

No Peddling No Preaching bumpersticker

You’ll notice I was extra careful to include preaching and fundraising, which many people mistakenly believe doesn’t really count as soliciting. It sure the hell is.

Then I made this one. I’m a good girl, so I don’t use the real F word — but I made the text customizable for you real trailer trashy types with the foul mouths that wanna use the big ‘un.

Abso FREAKIN Lutely No Soliciting bumpersticker

At which point I thought, maybe.. just maybe… some of the stupider door knockers still would not get the message.

What part of NO SOLICITING did you not understand? bumpersticker

and if that STILL doesn’t work, I brought out the redneck flag and warned them there will be some serious repercussions if they still DARE to knock on my blasted door.

Funny Redneck No Soliciting Sign bumpersticker

I’m thinking of buying one of each, and mounting them on a big ass sign board right outside my door.
That’ll teach em.

Updated with two more. I’d better stop now, or they could end up more twisted.

Our Dogs EAT Solicitors bumpersticker

Funny No Soliciting Guard Dogs on Duty Warning bumpersticker

What did you DO all day?

Posted: January 22, 2012 by admin in Buy My CRAP, Rants and Ramblings

Nothing, apparently.

I got out of bed before anyone else after pushing snooze on the alarm a half dozen times, woke up the kids for school and the hubby for work, and then puttered down the hallway to start making coffee and lunches. Plus two hardboiled eggs for his breakfast. Send him out the door and start the process of “encouraging” the two teenaged females to speed up the hair/makeup/clothing selection so they can be hurried out the door to catch the bus.

Then I may put on a load of laundry, turn on the dishwasher, and handwash the remaining pots and pans. Feed the dogs. Let the dogs out. Let the dogs in. Let the dogs out again. Let them in again. Repeat.

Now I have one solid hour of “creating” time when I can either take a closer look at photos and perhaps edit a few that make the cut, or make a new graphic or text design, and if lucky create and publish a batch of products before I have to shower and actually start my day. Then I might go in to work and cook a few beers, come home to eat before I pass out from hunger since I don’t usually eat breakfast. Repeat the dog in/out process until the girls come home from school. Play taxi for one of them. Pick up groceries. Cook dinner, clean up after dinner, and enjoy two hours of aaaaah before it’s time for bed and six or seven hours of awful, restless sleep before starting the whole thing over again the next day.

This particular last week, the girls had “snow days” for three days, and a pro-D day on friday which was lovely. I had several hours to putter on my shops. Of course I should have been doing tax paperwork, which causes me extreme anxiety, and not doing it causes me extreme anxiety, but that’s beside the point.

Zazzle recently introduced several new products including macbook sleeves, journals, bags, and water bottles. So I played around with a few of them and tried to add something new to each store. These are a few of my projects last week. (Click on any image for a larger view)

Grunge Pink Retro Circles rickshawflapsleevePretty Blue Inlay Abstract rickshawfolioDANCE! libertybottleI believe in BIGFOOT libertybottleFunny Talking Honey Badger rickshawsleeveHB Don't Care -Chiselled shirtEverything is FINE. Love your Government. shirtNOTHING can Stop the Honey Badger corkcoasterWinter Horse plateAussie Shepherd Dog in Snow cardAussie Dog Tongue keychainRusty Tin Food Can casematecaseNobody Puts BUBBA in a Corner shirtFunny Duct Tape Handyman Macbook Sleeve rickshawflapsleeveFunny Cow Print rickshawsleeveVintage Leather & Wicker Satchel rickshawflapsleeve

Yup, I did nothing but sit on my @$$ all day. See?